Identity is complex and nuanced. There are aspects of the personality which is visible – such as race, ethnicity, age, gender etc. But the more valuable things about identity are the things under the surface of what is visible. For example; life experiences (which massively shape who we are), values and beliefs, personality, religion (or lack thereof), education, talents, sexuality, and the other obvious ones. There is more to someone than meets the eye.
There are different types of personalities – and it is important to be aware of the other types there are. I personally am a speculator – I like to think about the bigger picture and figure out the big idea or message behind something before I take action. I don’t like to get bogged down by the tiny details, and when working, I think there are more important things than feelings. Of course, they always matter, but the priority should be thinking about the aim and the idea before focusing on tiny details, which can easily be plugged in later. Equally, we shouldn’t jump straight into the work because it’s pointless without a vision. This means in group work I often struggle to work with people – even with the same personality type because I am so direct.
I feel like I have pretty good emotional intelligence. I am curious and able to read emotions – and reacting accordingly. I am nearly always in touch with my own emotions as well; but it’s what to do with the emotions and reacting right in accordance with my own emotions which is a challenge. I don’t like to spend time with toxic friends or people who are emotionally draining – I know how to put myself first and protect my own emotional wellbeing. However, sometimes that is difficult when it is your family who is taking a negative toll on your emotional wellbeing – you can’t very well cut them off. This will be a challenge for me – dealing with people who I can’t avoid. I am pretty difficult to offend – unless intentionally insulting me (even then sometimes) I am chill. I know my strengths and weaknesses, but sometimes those weaknesses are hard to change. For example, I am a perfectionist and I know it but it’s so hard to change it. It is a big part of my work habits and ethic, and I know I will continue to work on this for a long time.
I find optimism a tricky one. I am both extremely optimistic but also the bitterest pessimistic. I don’t say I am stupid or a liar because I did badly on one test or because my parents said I am, because I am more robust than that. I make my own decisions and trust that I know myself best. But when it comes to bigger things – I am so much more pessimistic. I do not believe we have a purpose for being on this earth and I don’t think anything we do really matters in the grand scheme of things. I think people have the capability to do great things and be great people, but I think the majority lack the ethic and desire to do so.
When I get stressed, I get hungry. But honestly, school things don’t stress me. A huge flaw in PSE is how insignificant it seems. When we are discussing stress or anxiety, the most common examples are ‘I have a maths test’ or ‘I really want to make the volleyball team’. These don’t stress me at all. The things that really stress me out is an actual anxiety disorder, lack of sleep due to insomnia, etc. To me the things that are typically deemed stressful are tedious. Of course, stress can be good – its good to be stressed or nervous about a show or something. But extreme, debilitating anxiety like what I have is not a good thing. I am sick of people telling me it is because it ‘gives perspective’ or ‘is who I am’.
My protective factors would be friends, activities and hobbies, being alone, meditation, academic achievements, my dreams, and my capabilities. Not to float my own boat, but I know I am capable and intelligent. It doesn’t matter what anyone says. If people tell me I am turning into someone else because I lied once, I know myself better than they do. People make mistakes. If someone says my future will be bleak because of anxiety (all these are true stories) then I don’t care. I know myself best.