A new possibility for young married girls in Ethiopian community
According to data collected by ICRW and CARE, there are some 67 million child brides around the world today. Most of these young brides live in more traditional African communities; not only do they need to do a lot of work every day in their lifetime, they are also isolated from the community, unable to do something out of their free will. As it is the community's tradition and culture, the girls mostly accept their destiny without any protest, thought that there is no choice for them to change their lives. But then, knowing their situations, some recent projects from various NEOs around the world are trying to help to show them new ways leading to better, healthier lifestyle; these are possibilities for them that enlightened the better future they could have as brides that benefitted not only themselves but also the entire community (this part is awkward. I'm not sure what you mean here) And this project was surprisingly not about giving huge financial supports, however, it brought to them a way to live a positive and useful life. The Photovoice project of ICRW that was created by Robyne Hayes in 2013 is a very valuable and powerful encouragement for young brides in Ethiopia. Through the 10 cameras brought by the members of ICRW, the young brides recorded some amazing moments that are important to themselves and a chance for us all to have a glimpse into the lives they are living. Those girls, who are just about our age, are carrying many things on their shoulders: family, the responsibility of being a wife, and even a responsibility of a mother. It is hard to imagine how those tough girls have gone so far on their own, but now it must have been better to support each other instead of doing everything by themselves. In those photos taken by 10 young brides, I saw how they found their life joy so simply under harsh environmental conditions; I saw the purest kindness of a girl that made me believe in their infinite possibilities. They took photos of their families and friends, those important people for them and their struggles, efforts that aim for a better life for all. They reflected on their hopes using the cameras, as well as things they are fighting for together, those new dreams they found in this new life. Thanks to the Photovoice programme, the girls have lived out their colorful lives, walked outside the puzzle that once confused them, and stood outside the shadows that once darkened their future. By looking at the photos they took, I am certain that there endless more possibilities they can create. I used to think that the only way we can actually help someone is to support them financially or to get involved in the issue personally and directly. And often I just tell myself that I am not capable of helping most of those people ever in my life if I do not intervene with the issue. But Robyne Hayes used her unique solution and gave out her answer, which are her cameras and the photos she took and encouraged the girls to take. It provides the freedom and new possibilities for those young brides and the courage to start a new life.
Bibliography
chen85125@gapps.uwcsea.edu.sg. “7 Min Post: Photography and Child Marriage.”
Abyssopelagic Zone, 24 Jan. 2018, portfolios.uwcsea.edu.sg/chen85125/2018/01/24/7-min-post-photography-and-child-marriage/.
Hayes, Robyne. “Through Their Eyes – Robyne Hayes Photography.” Robyne Hayes
Photography Through Their Eyes Gallery RSS, www.robynehayes.com/Storytelling/Photovoice/.
Shangyu,
I enjoyed the enthusiasm and positive energy that your piece exuded. It is quite persuasive in its tone, and helps to shine a spotlight on child brides. You also set up the scene quite well using your own research.
However, I did not come away being strongly persuaded that the photos the girls took, gave them “the courage to start a new life.” You likely needed to reflect in greater detail on a couple of these photos, and explain why and how the girls have “lived out their colorful lives, walked outside the puzzle that once confused them, and stood outside the shadows that once darkened their future.” Otherwise the claims you make for this project can segue from enthusiasm to hyperbole.
A minor technical point – in the first mention, always spell out acronyms like ICRW, CARE and NEO – as in the International Centre for Research on Women (ICRW) – and then you can use the short forms for the rest of your article.
Thanks for reading my article and giving your advice! I reread my article and will try to revise them in order to make this piece more complete and give more meaning to it according to both subjective points of view and my personal perspectives.
I agree that I need to add more according to the actual situation more girls are facing in Ethiopia and I can’t deny that in order to improve their life, we will also need to pay attention to other aspects that I have not mentioned in my article. I will also need to do more research to know people’s life in general in Ethiopian communities to complete and adjust what was incorrect in my article. However, I truly believe that this project did do well on improving their mental state and social status, despite the material conditions.
As for your abbreviation suggestions, I think it is very important and right. I should remember this point in my future articles.
Again, I appreciate your opinions and suggestions a lot! Hopefully, I can consider more of these helpful suggestions and use them to write better articles.