Heart of Darkness Part 1

So far, it is clear to see the themes and stylistic choices that Conrad has employed in his attempt to depict the idealistic perception of colonialism and the greed masked with civility that is prevalent in hollow society. The seamless, interwoven nature of Marlow’s dialogue, internal thinking and vivid imagery contribute to the sentiment of existence that Conrad was trying to emphasise upon. The way I see it, we are witnessing the very thought process and creation of perspectives that we usually cannot see in a man’s mind, but Conrad has achieved a sense of fluency in the way that he has incorporated these three elements together to represent the true idea of human nature. However, this leads one to question Marlow himself as a narrator; is he unreliable in that he is biased, or confused himself? Racism and colonialism are two ideas that can exist separately, and it is clear to see that Marlow perceives himself as enlightened about the true nature of colonialism for its materialistic spoils. However, it is clear to see the blatant racism on the part of Marlow, especially in his use of vivid imagery to describe the scenes at the railway construction site and the Grove of Death; the black slaves have been dehumanised to the point of representing no more than the disease they have fallen victim to.

His inherent bias can also prove to open up our understanding to what Conrad is attempting to talk about and communicate. He is, after all, the only one on the ship who is completely willing to go the other way, and truly believes he understands the truths about colonialism, being ready to go against what man would consider his most fervent desire at the time. Marlow in a sense is still exploring himself; although he is inherently biased and corrupt by the social contextual ideals of the time, there is a sense of morality and truth to him that seems to be absent from most of the other characters. It represents the conflict of cynicism and romanticism, in that Marlow has opened his eyes to the real world and seen colonialism for what it is, whereas those around him tend to use the tinted glasses of civility and honour through which to see the situation. Perhaps Marlow represents Conrad himself, and the experiences he had in being the only one who was aware enough to see what he saw in the Congo for what it really was.

Finally, there seems to be a lack of moral certainty to this story. It is quite ambiguous, in that it is a story that ends where it begins (as per what I have heard from those who have read the book and completed it). This leads me to question whether there was anything learned at all, or whether anything has changed. Have we merely come back in a full circle, the characters having spent all this time trying to persuade someone if not themselves, only for them to have given up and accept the very ideals they seemingly fought against? Marlow might have changed before, especially after his experiences in Africa, but there is a suggestion for a lack of learning anything at all.

CAS Reflection – HS History Society (Creativity)

1. Identify your own strengths and develop areas for personal growth.

Joining history society this year was a decision that I took based on my passion for the subject; history is something that I want to pursue in the future as a major, so it was something that I definitely see as a strength of mine as well. I think that being a part of this society will also help in personal growth; no one can be perfect at something, and I think that there are a still a lot of ways in which I can develop as an aspiring historian to really achieve the level at which I have wanted to read and write history for a long time. Doing presentations while also listening to teachers talking about how to deduce the significance of certain historical events are lessons that will stay with me along the course of my tenure as a historian.

5. Demonstrate the skills and recognize the benefits of working collaboratively.

Being able to work in a setting of peers from different grades as well as different backgrounds allows me to use my critical thinking skills, which I have worked on tremendously during the duration of my History course, to understand the importance of alternate perspectives when reading and writing history. I think that having a wide spectrum of perspectives in a course such as History is something that is useful in moulding my own perspectives, while also influencing other perspectives. Working collaboratively in a setting such as a History society means that everyone always has their own unique perspective on things, and amalgamating these perspectives together to form a solid, cohesive argument will be much more concise and strong than a single argument.

NYAA 3 Month Reflection – Healthy Living (August to October)

Being able to go back to the gym in this period of my fitness development was something really important and valuable to me, because it meant that I would have access to a lot more resources and information that I did not really have when I was exercising by myself. This was shown by my intent to sign up for weights training in school, and I did so knowing full well that I could learn a lot about my own fitness regimes and add potential exercises to my regime with the help of the coach and just have a bigger base of information with which to make decisions regarding the direction in which I wanted my physical conditioning to go.

It was a big change for me, because it was a hugely different environment than to the one of solitary exercising that had been experienced during the circuit breaker and post-circuit breaker period. While I was able to really improve on activities that I felt I had a strong cementing in such as running and such, being able to go back to the gym in school during these 3 months was something that was extremely necessary in order for me to be more aware of my surroundings within the gym.

CAS Reflection – Weight Training (Activity)

  1. Demonstrate that challenges have been undertaken, developing new skills in the process.
  2. Identify your own strengths and develop areas for personal growth.

Doing weight training this season was a new experience for me, since I have not ever undergone any real formal training in the gym before, and have not really been taught what the proper techniques or different ways I can use the machines. It was a challenge for me in that I was not familiar with this environment, so I knew it would take some time for me to get used to the different exercises and to be comfortable with the new environment. However, after having my first session, I felt that I was able to adapt and understand some of the things that would be very useful to know when in the gym, and am slowly starting to develop and understand new skills in the process. It may still be a challenge for now, but I think that having a good instructor who helps me and guides me through the process, as well as having friends around me will really help me grow into this new experience.

In the same way, I was able to identify areas where I was stronger than others. I think this was really helpful in allowing me to see where I needed more work and what I need to focus on more if I want to really become comfortable with weight training in the future. I think that participating in an activity like this will be really helpful in that aspect because it allows me to understand where I am really lacking the ability to perform certain things, and to be able to understand how I can grow in these areas will also prevent any unfortunate injuries in such an environment.

The Great Gatsby – Daisy and Gatsby

Daisy: attracting or repelling?

So far, as a reader, Daisy has been extremely contrasting in that it has been hard to decide whether to sympathise with her or not wish her well. We understand how she had a relationship with Gatsby about five years ago, and how she has lived a life of wealth and luxury and left Gatsby for his poverty; this shows us an obvious sense of Daisy’s desire to live life in splendour and to be with a man who can provide for her incessantly. However, when we come across the scene with the shirts, it is oddly uncharacteristic of Daisy that she cries as soon as she sees the shirts. It is a feeling of regret, a sense that if she had waited with Gatsby through the tough times then she could have had this. Perhaps it could have also been a moment of self-reflection; why is she the type of person that has to value to such a great extent the material wealth of an individual, when she could have loved Gatsby for who he is and also have been blessed with such wealth? Daisy is in that sense polarising because we as the readers want to sympathise with her for her broken marriage with Tom, and the fact that she is aware to the plight of her situation when she all she tries to act like to make her immune to such pain is a “beautiful little fool”, what she wishes her daughter to be. However, she does do the same thing with Gatsby as Tom does with Myrtle, but she shows affection in such a public manner right in front of Tom, that the reader feels a bit discomforted in that sense; at least Tom took the effort to hide his affair to a certain extent.

However, Daisy’s most polarising moment comes during the big fight; we see how eager she is to be with Gatsby at all times, and how she takes the car with Gatsby to go to the city as well, but when it comes to the fight and Gatsby asks her to tell Tom that she never loved him, she hesitates and tells him that this isn’t the truth. She is confused in herself, and she can’t make such decisions for herself. It is interesting that Tom and Gatsby are the ones that want to have this discussion, while Daisy is the one that has been dreading this discussion for the longest time instead. She knows that she can live her life with her happy, foolish exterior for as long as possible until it comes time to have this conversation, and she now knows that she has to strip away the foolish, innocent exterior to give way to the woman that she really is; the one that has been conscious and aware of the situation the whole time. It is interesting to see that in the fight, Tom is the one that comes out on top. Instead of trying to break down only Gatsby, he shifts his focus onto Daisy, coaxing her into saying and truly believing that she has loved him as well, be it whether she has loved Gatsby too or not. He knows that, no matter if Daisy and Gatsby drive back together, Daisy will still be in his bed by nightfall. For so long, Daisy has been the extroverted, innocent and laughter-filled person in the room that lightens the mood of every situation, but when this persona of her breaks, who does she really become? The cynic that she tries to hide on the inside? Is this why she breaks down at Gatsby’s house, because of the recognition or who she has really become now?

Gatsby: the man who he really is

Gatsby is a man who wishes the world to be as it should be, and not how it really is. He toys with the conflict of idealism versus reality, and forever tries to change the past to make the future what he wants it to be. Gatsby is paradoxical in the sense that he changed his past and who he is, but he wants to keep his future the way he sees it at the current moment, as a man of immense wealth and status in society. We find out that he is, in reality, James Gatz, a man from a poor family who didn’t even really go to Oxford. There is the presence of the water motif, in that Gatsby dives into the water as James Gatz and comes out as Jay Gatsby; a sense of renewal, a cleaning of the slate to emerge as new and fresh. It was the belief from Dan Cody in him, the man who gave him his first job, that he was able to rise to some sort of prominence in society and to get a job for himself. However, we understand the reasons for his abstaining from alcohol and his deterrence from other women due to the circumstances of Dan Cody’s death and his relationship with the newswoman who took all of Gatsby’s inheritance as well. It seems to encapsulate the story of in vino veritas, in that Gatsby knows under the influence of alcohol the truth will come out, the secrets will come out, and he will be in a position of manipulation where others will easily be able to take control of him, especially dangerous in his line of work. Gatsby refuses to admit that Daisy has loved anyone other than him, because this is the life that he has lived; only loving one woman, one person. Is it selfish, though, for him to desire the same level of love from Daisy that he has given her for five years?

We see the real desire of Gatsby, while it may lie in his love for Daisy, is for a sense of achievement, the idea of achieving the American Dream. As consolidated by the water motif, the American Dream is all about starting anew and wiping off the slate to have a fresh start. Daisy’s voice sounds like money, and the green light symbolises the colour of money; so is Gatsby’s real desire the money and the wealth that comes with having someone like Daisy be so devoted to him, as he is to her? Does he have a point to prove someone, is he doing this to fulfil his own desires to be at the top of the food chain, or is this really love?

 

The Great Gatsby – Chapters 1 & 2

In the first two chapters of the Great Gatsby, there is a constant thematic conflict between cynicism and romanticism. Nick seems to represent the idea of a cynic, yet he is a cynic who has been cynical through his life based on his upbringing and experiences, in places such as his college where he was judged for this very sense of cynicism. The way that he interprets feelings, such as thinking that he loved Jordan in that one moment, or when he knew that his previous entanglement had to be “tactfully broken off before he was free” seem to show a sense of inexperience and Nick’s robotic nature of interpreting feelings. He is the type of man to go on a date and worry about how his potential significant other and himself could not have a working relationship, more so than how a sense of love could grow. However, Nick’s cynicism is interesting in that he is able to detach himself completely from situations where he feels nowhere at home; he may reserve from passing judgments out loud, but he does pass judgments in his head subtly. Fitzgerald refuses to explicitly depict Nick’s opinion for several parts of the first two chapters, but on occasions such as Tom breaking Myrtle’s nose, it is clear to the reader from the voice used that Nick holds a certain opinion about these type of events.

Romanticism

The white dresses

When Nick runs into the two ladies at the Buchanan’s house, the description of the setting contribute to the sublime interpretation that we see from Nick. The use of the white dresses, the gleaming white windows, the frosted wedding cake of the ceiling, and the use of nature creates this almost Renaissance like depiction of the scene; one full of emotion, feelings, beauty and the eye’s appreciation. Nick perceives this as being somewhat angelic, seeing the two women as he walks into the beautiful room, and how everything seems as though it would float up onto the ceiling in a dream of sorts. However, the tension here between the cynicism and the romanticism once more finds itself in the form of Tom shutting the windows closed, and how everything seems to slowly come back down to the ground; in other words, a snap back to the reality of the situation. It shows the stark contrast of the romanticised lives of the privileged few, as compared to the kind of atmosphere that Nick brings in; he, in a sense, is the snap back to reality.

The green light

Similarly, the green light on the far end of the lake that Gatsby points his arms towards and trembles towards just happens to be where Daisy’s house is; a sense of romanticised desire, in the fervour of Gatsby’s actions. Nick understands the green light as a symbolic object for Gatsby, without even knowing him, and it signifies a strong sense of hope on the part of Gatsby. Since Daisy and Tom’s house and their life symbolises power, money and the American Dream to some extent as well, it also signifies Gatsby’s desire to be up there with the top dogs in society. It is romantic in that it allows one to hope, rather than question the consequences of such fervent desire.

Cynicism

The valley of ashes

The valley of ashes once again contributes to the cynical tone of the novel that Fitzgerald tries to communicate through Nick. Being the link from the posh Long Island houses to the middle of the city, it signifies the lower end of society, and in a sense the dead aspirations and hope of a mass of society where only a lucky few were able to profit from a so called golden age – it would be important to remember that the Great Depression was a mere 4 years after this novel was written. The way that the ashes take the “forms of houses and chimneys and rising smoke” and how “men who move dimly and” are “already crumbling through the powdery air” seem to suggest that while this might be a landfill, there may also be people who live down there; the outcasts of society. The way a valley slops down between two hills, seems to signify the idea of boom and bust; the Long Island houses and NYC are on the booms, while the valley sits low in the bust. All in all, the valley of ashes seems to show the true representation of society, before, now and forever; while the beautiful houses, clothes and scenic views may cover up the higher ends of society, the reality is that they are themselves no more than a valley of ashes, stepping on others to get higher up the food chain.

Eyes of Dr. TJ Eckleburg

The eyes of Dr. TJ Eckleburg serve as a wormhole into the future – for looking through them, into the valley of ashes, signals impending doom for the higher classes of society – as proven by the Great Depression. Secondly, the fact that the eyes have remained paintless for days or weeks seems to represent the vision that the higher ends of society will always hold of the view through which they are seeing through Eckleburg’s glasses, the valley of ashes. It seems to signify the idea that their opinions of those lower than them, while always stay the same – no matter what these people do, they will never be able to paint over the prejudice, opinionated behaviour of those that have achieved the American Dream in their minds. T.J. Eckleburg’s eyes seem to serve as a symbol for some sort of moral higher being, perhaps God himself; looking down upon the moral wasteland that society has founded itself upon, and a criticism of the developing idea of consumerism.

NYAA Healthy Living Reflection – August 2020

This month, school was back in session and this meant that my exercise schedule took a bit of a toll with me needing to find a proper balance between my fitness schedule and my workout schedule once more. This month was also spent continuing my running programme and trying to clock longer distances, in the hopeful pursuit of finishing a 10km sometime in the next few months. I think that overall my cardiovascular fitness has really improved with the progress that I have made with running, and that a 10km might be quite attainable in the next few months. I hope to also be starting weight training in the future at school in the new semester, which is why I think that it was important for me to practice better cardiovascular exercises during this time that I had a break.

What We Talk About When We Talk About Love

Through his tone of writing, Carver seemingly presents the hopelessness that society faces in pinning love to specificity and an identity through a criticism of the vanity that we represent in our interpretations of one’s actions as ‘love’. His use of Nick as a passive muse through which to tell the story, in first person, positions ourselves in Nick’s perspective as a listener and observer of what Mel and Terri have to show us that we do not seem to see yet.

The contrast between Mel’s rationality in the opening and his emotional reactions when intoxicated towards the end contribute to the theme of complexity and the helplessness in maintaining a steadfast opinion on the definition of love. Mel talks of the idea as love being nothing less than spiritual; the people who we fall in love with are no more than muses, there is no sense of a ‘truth’ to love. The truth of love is what we make it out to be, and is not inextricably tied to a material being. However, for considering himself a “mechanic” who merely goes in and gets the job done, the truth of the reactions we see from the intoxicated Mel is a man who prides his cynicism on the terrible experiences that he has had with love, ranging from the trauma of Ed’s constant threats to the hatred that replaced the love he once had for his ex-wife.

Mel’s seemingly rational approach is consolidated by the critical tone in which he interprets Terri’s idea of love; Carver’s acknowledgment of the vanity that we feel in attributing obsessive ‘acts of love’ to our influence and deserved passion. Terri interprets Ed’s acts of violence and aggression as though she was so loveable that she was able to push him to this extreme, demonstrating her vanity in believing that it was her who inspired this irrational obsession. Perhaps it was just respect for Ed’s feelings from someone who believed that it was surprising for someone to be attracted to her. Carver seems to satire the archetypal tenet of chivalry in love, through Mel’s dream to be a knight in shining armour and Terri’s belief in Ed “willing to die for it,” again a criticism of the ways in which we aim to categorise love and attribute it to specific characteristics rather than recognise its ability to take different forms.

Perhaps Carver aims to present his opinion on the imperfect ways in which we categorise love into characteristics and actions through Nick and Laura. Nick recognises that “in addition to being in love,” him and Laura “like each other and enjoy one another’s company.” Is that not what love is to a majority of society, to what movies and romance novels alike want us to interpret love as? Carver suggests the idea that love is an umbrella term; while we try to understand its different forms, it has no specific role or characteristic that is common between us as a society. As Laura recognises that she and Nick know what love is for them, it shows the idea that love is tangible in a sense. It varies from person to person, and as Mel says, there is the capacity for one to love again after having lost before. It is up to the circumstances of one’s unique life, that determine who with and how they fall in love.

CAS G11 Review Reflection

Have I made progress? What’s next? What can I improve this year in G12?

I think that I definitely have made progress in my skills in my extracurricular activities, but also in other more transferable skills such as the ability to endure challenges as well as remain open-minded to opportunities to be well rounded.

I have definitely progressed in my activity, finding more ways to diversify what I have been doing for healthy living during the quarantine period while also putting in a lot of effort and time to my commitments pre-lockdown. I think that the biggest way I have made progress in this section is by learning more about myself and what I can do to remain as healthy as possible.

When it comes to service, I have progressed in that I have become much more reflective of myself, and the strengths and weaknesses of my actions and contributions to my service group. Furthermore, service has provided me with a manner of giving back to my community and I think that I have progressed as an individual by interacting with those of different backgrounds; it has helped me become a more well rounded individual.

Finally, I think that creativity does also have its perks in that I have completely progressed in my skills as a musician for the school band and on my own time as well. Being able to contribute to a team setting such as the vocal group with my musicianship has given me a sense of responsibility and commitment to practice and perseverance, and I think that this has transferred into other areas of my life as well. I think that I really have learned the concept of practice making perfect more so in this role than in any other, and I hope to continue this role until the end of grade 12.

With the unlikely pandemic, it may be so that I need to adapt my angles of achieving some of my goals for this school year; I will take what comes on the chin and learn how to adapt and persevere through the challenges to develop myself as an individual.