Feedback and Redrafting:
I should be writing in an analytical register by focusing on the producer and technique rather than being descriptive about the advertisement. For example, when I am talking about the model’s appearance, I should comment on the visual techniques such as color contrasts, the connotation of the color red, sexualization as well as the shot angle and link this all back to the value and attitude towards women in 1930s. I should also be aware that the model is not a ‘real person’ and I should not be writing as if they are real. :
The advert sexualizes and draws attention to the woman through the use of sensual costume, makeup and mine-en-scene. The model wears bright red lipstick and a red dress that compliments with the red tomato soup and contrasts with the yellow background, making the advertisement visually striking. The color red has significant connotations including love and passion which indicate how she is represented as a sexual object for the guests. Her subtly sensual and confident pose with her left hand placed on her waist and straight posture is emphasized with the low angle and full shot which positions the audience beneath her. This demonstrates the model’s high status as well as how she is the idealized hostess meeting the social expectations of women in the 1930s.
After I finished my 2nd paragraph, I realized that I am drifting away from my initial idea/thesis so I made last-minute tweaks in my thesis statement which was not re-read so the statement was unclear. I should make sure my thesis is especially clear since it indicates what I will be talking about in my essay :
The advertisement subtly sexualizes and objectifies the model to parallel with the canned soup, reflecting how society in the 1930s viewed women as a sexual object and a source of entertainment. It also glamorizes the model who appears as a high-class woman to suggest that Campbell’s tomato soup is luxurious quality food that can be consumed at an affordable price, following The Great Depression.
Why I got the mark: Like mentioned before, I need more awareness of the use of stylistic features and focus on why they use such techniques. My essay could have been structured better (lack of arguments in my last paragraph) and I could have had further development of my arguments. Although I had a good understanding of the text, the language I used to apply my interpretation was not always clear.
Action: For now, I should be sticking with the PEE structure to make sure I won’t fall into a descriptive writing/evidence-lead writing. I should plan a clear essay structure before I start writing (I was unsure how I should structure my essay and my paragraphs ended up having very similar/overlapping ideas). When I analyze texts that have both text and image, I should pay equal attention to both of them. I should be aware of major historical events (eg. The Great Depression) to be able to link the ideas to the values and attitude society had, which can be achieved by reading more.
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