Total score: 31
Criteria 1:- 8
Criteria 2: 8
Criteria 3: 7
Criteria 4: 7
I think I examined and learnt the poem well, I think I used the knowledge of the poem and the techniques used in the poem to analyse it’s significance to the global issue. However, I think that the connection to the global issue could have been more focused on the aspect of identity to make it relevant as from the way I described my question and the actual global issue it seemed to fit better into education, beliefs and values.I think the analyses were sufficient for the poem, but I think I repeated a few arguments a lot of times and could have gone deeper into its global significance and what it really is saying instead of just connecting it to the fact that childhood is “playful” when analysing a few details. Furthermore, I think I should’ve focused more on how the author made specific choices and commented on the effectiveness of their choices. But most importantly, I think it could’ve been focused and organised better, I think I started with a strong thesis but as I started moving along the poem the topic sentences and overall structure started crumbling down so I think that I should’ve planned a more coherent and consistent structure. I think my tone conveyed enthusiasm for the poem and the global issue but there were a lot of “errs”,”umm” and unnecessary long pauses that ruined the flow of the IO and rendered the entire IO a bit awkward and disjointed.
Moments of confident close analysis with a solid understanding of the poem. Your personal reflections are quite accurate. I would perhaps be a bit harsher on the marking (7,7,7,7) – still a good first practice. Thoughts:
Analysis is well structured, with moves from pattern to exemplification (although could be managed a bit more seamlessly to maximise time).
As it is currently phrased, is your issue really an issue? An issue might be the ways in which education limits people’s understanding of sexuality?
In your intro, you might want a bit more about Duffy/ the body of work
When you make comparisons to the rest of the body of work (here, the list) you want to comment on the significance of this technique.
You are not repeating yourself, but you do need to clarify the sub point about ignorance/ the unrealistic nature of the childhood illusion.
Your analysis could be deepened with synthesis – how do things like lineation, sound etc reinforce some of the points about imagery?
Does the issue get a bit lost. Sure, you talk a lot about the transition from childhood to adulthood, but is it always tied to an issue? The line by line (or stanza by stanza) approach makes it sound quite descriptive. Yes, you understand the poem, but is it tied together effectively?