Expression of rough times – Danny Raven Tan op-ed

A quarter of people diagnosed with cancer say that they considered not telling their family about the diagnosis [Daily Mail]. Danny Raven Tan, an aspiring artist in Singapore is one of them. His series of unfortunate events made him realize he had to pursue his dream that he had been planning for a long time. “If I don’t pursue my dream now, then when?” After his dad’s passing and finding out his mother was diagnosed with dementia, he left LASALLE college of the arts in order to spend more time with his mother. This led him to co-found the Tiffin art gallery, based in his own apartment. There was one, life-threatening fact that he kept the secret to his mother, his diagnosis of stage 2 pancreatic cancer. Most people would see these setbacks as a sign to stop going, but Tan saw the opposite. In fact, a lot of his artworks are inspired by these setbacks he experienced and the feelings he had translated through his pieces.

Something that caught my attention from his story was the fact that he never told either of his parents about his cancer. He mentioned this so casually and didn’t act like it was a big deal, but I was very surprised as most people were. I believe that no matter how close you are to your parents, you should be honest with them as there are things in life, like cancer, that they should be the first to know. Initially, I thought that not telling your parents about cancer was rare, but after some research, I found that it’s quite a common case. Danny explained that he decided not to tell his parents about his cancer because he believes that there is nothing that they can do but worry. I think especially in his case, this made a lot of sense as his mother was also suffering from a serious medical disease. Perhaps there was more to the decision then he mentions. It’s possible that he felt insecure about the diagnosis, that especially with his mother’s dementia he doesn’t know how she would react. There are possible cultural influences on the disclosure of cancer as well, possibly the disappointment by his loved ones thinking that he won’t be able to support his family because he will need to support his health, or that he will have difficulty starting a family of his own in the future. What is for sure is that he didn’t want his mother to have such a burden, having her mental incapabilities.

I’ve had lots of experiences as a child, where I wasn’t always honest with my parents, it occurred more often back then because I didn’t understand the consequences. I remember feeling a heavy weight on my shoulders knowing that I had kept something from them. Danny only spoke very briefly about this aspect on his diagnosis, never having explained if he ever felt guilty for not telling his parents or any thoughts he had when making the decision to keep it a secret. I thought about what I would be thinking if I was in his position. He told his close friends about his diagnosis so that there were people in his life who were aware of it, but in my opinion, it’s not the same as telling your parents. Having close friends knowing about it, I would have the fear that the news would get to my mother by someone else. I also wonder if he ever felt alone, battling cancer without this mother knowing, but perhaps the feeling of being alone would depend on his relationship with his mother.