Identity
When it comes to perceiving people we are only able to tell so much about someone through looking at them. Myself as an example am filipino, have glasses, skinny and relatively tall. You would be able to tell my age and my appearance at most. But if you would really get to know me I would say it would not be what you were expecting. As they say, it’s whats on the inside that counts. For example I am very anxious and shy 90% of the time, but when I am with someone I am comfortable with, I cannot keep my mouth shut. I also genuinely care about the people who mean the most to me and I would literally do anything for them. Though it does not seem like it because I can be pretty distant in general, I guess that is just the way I am.
Ideal Personality
When it comes to working in groups I like to pay attention to details. I always like to know the who, what, when, where and whys of our task. I mainly like to know all the details so I know the purpose of the task cause if I don’t know the purpose, I am usually not motivated. At the same time I do always always take into consideration other people’s opinions and feelings as I always want to include everyone so no one feels excluded. When working in groups I do not usually take the leadership role especially when I am not completely comfortable with the people in my group so I have decided to make a small change and make sure I try to be a bit more talkative to make sure I actually help. Basically due to realising what I am like in groups, it makes me think about my contribution and what I need to do.
Emotional Intelligence (EQ)
In the previous post I mainly talk about learning how to say no and getting enough sleep. I personally never get enough sleep even on breaks or weekends. This causes me to be tired all the time which leaves me cranky and therefore never really in the mood to have a conversation. Throughout the past few weeks I have tried to stop using social media as that is what mainly keeps me up at night and since then, I have increased the amount of sleep and the quality of sleep by a lot. With having anxiety, it is hard to interact with people most of the time but I am slowly working my way up to where I want to be where I am comfortable with people.
Self Talk
I personally do a lot of negative self talk and am known as a generally pessimistic person. I have tried many ways to improve that but I am still working on it. At the moment my main strategy to stop myself from thinking negatively about myself is by just slapping myself to snap out of it and it somehow works or by going for a walk (or alone time) to clear my mind. I have realised that my mood has been better due to the implementation of positive self talk but at the same time that is due to my weight training which trains my mindset of being able to do something difficult for me. I guess I could use this during assignments or tests to make me think that I can really do it.
Stress
First of all I do not deal with stress well at all. When I am stressed I start to panic a lot, hyperventilate, get a little light headed, stuttering and also start to think very bad thoughts about myself. All of those things are really bad which always affects how my day goes on from there. Although I do think some stress is beneficial because it makes us do things we don’t want to do such as an assignment which is due the next day or so on. I just think maybe too much stress is not good. Maybe just the stress of school work is not so bad if there isn’t a lot.
Mental Health
I do personally have some mental health problems which I do not want to state but it is really hard dealing with them all the time. The things it has done to me such as made me lose interest in some of my most favourite things and so on. At school I am so very grateful for the protective factors I have at school such as my friends. All my closest friends are very aware of my mental state and constantly make sure I am okay all the time or if I need space, they are willing to oblige no matter what. In our group we all have some sort of mental health problem whether it is an actual mental disorder like me and a few of us or if we’re just going through something. All of us being there together is what makes us such a great group.
I cannot deal with change well as I am so used to things. For example, my gym closed after I have been working out for 4 months, that affected me a lot as it was a form of stress relief for me and some sort of therapy. That affected me pretty bad.
What most got in the way of my success?
I would say it would be my mental health due to the things I have lost or lost interest in due to my mental health. When I am at a low moment, I tend to put no effort into anything which definitely gets in the way of my school work, my hobbies, my interests and everything. When I am at a low moment, I literally turn into a potato that does nothing all day. It is like a very long term rut which is very very hard to get out of. The amount of things my mental health has prevented me from doing isn’t great but I am working on it.
