English Mock Response to Feedback

1)Be careful with meandering sentences!

Fix: These roles seem to have a common thread in that they are, in some way, associated with being “small”. This can be seen not just in the sense that they are “small parts” but also in that they rely on her being physically small as a “little slip of a thing”. Furthermore, she is also presented as “small” in a more metaphorical way as a victim when she plays a character “wrongfully accused of stealing drugs”

Fix 2: The writer’s use of detail contributes to a contrasting characterisation of Annabel. She is presented as seemingly small and timid in the first half of the passage and later on characterised as arrogant. This creates a narrative structure where the focus shifts from one distinct characterisation of Annabel to another

2)Convincing – I find it difficult to see how she can be described as ‘arrogant’

Fix: [Maybe focus on showing how Annabel is defined first by her roles as an actor then as a wife then?]

3) Consider plausibility! This is a reach

Fix 1: [cut everything following ‘could suggest battle’ in order to avoid overanalysing?]

Fix 2:[cut section about Ibsen]

4)Be precise about the technique used

Fix: The imagery created by the simile of boiled food

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