Feedback

“You identified the main idea which is promoted in the text here at the start – and you sometimes came back to this, but it wasn’t always sustained. The focus has got to be present in every paragraph!

You identify some of the features really well – but in the last 2 paragraphs, your writing is more descriptive than analytical.”

Next steps

• When highlighting the evidence, make sure to annotate the effects of it alongside with it first
• Make sure focus is referred to – link analysis back to it every time!

Link to document

This is a satirical comic by Liza Donnelly which raises a question of “To what extent should toys be gender-oriented?”. The comic is set in a park, with two 5-7 years old children sitting foregrounded in the sandbox. One is a boy playing with a truck, and the other is a girl playing with a bucket. In the background is a lady sitting on a bench reading a book. There are interactions between the two children as suggested by the line the boy says underneath the comic.

Through having the boy saying “I don’t see liking trucks as a boy thing. I see it as a liking-trucks thing.” in a matter of factly manner, Donnelly uses children as the medium to convey her call to action that toys, in particular, should not be subjected to gender stereotype. This is especially because children are like a blank canvas. As they begin to interact with society, they will be impacted by their environment, and thus reflect the values they are exposed to. The innocence and confusion expressed by both the girl and boy reveal the perhaps unconscious bias and expectations society may have regarding the social expectation of gender conduct.

It is ironic that the boy was the one who said the statement instead of the girl. The dialogue could be seen as a refute to why the girl isn’t or “can’t” play with trucks. Liza Donnelly has mentioned before that humour relies on the tradition, which in this case, is that girls can’t like trucks, because traditionally, males are the ones who work with trucks, not ladies. Donnelly is trying to challenge this perspective and raise a point about how women and girls can also the ones who limit themselves. Perhaps that is what the woman in the background is, the cornerstone and police who keeps these traditions in check.

Liza Donnelly’s art style of simple line drawings helps make these observational comics more relatable to the readers. By making the comic minimalistic, the message Donnely wants to convey is clear and succinct, thus easier to digest for the reader. This allows readers to identify improvements that they could make to their everyday lives to go against these big and complex issues of the distinct gender roles and identities we may be forcing our children upon.

Brainstorm section

What Koko, Evelin and I came up with

Carol Ann Duffy’s collection of ‘The World’s Wife’ explores the timeless and universal issues of gender roles and social constructs, such as expectations of masculinity in man and motherhood through allusion to well known texts.

Some key terms we can consider for the thesis after discussions

Instructions

1. Please read the poem Mrs. Darwin – it really won’t take too long – and then the contextual information on the attached slide.

2. Answer the question and put your comment in the comments section of this post (OLP).

Is the poem purely light-hearted and comic, or is there a more serious point being made

Notes

• Playful comparison between one’s husband and a chimpanzee.
• However, this is Duffy we are talking about:
• Duffy is playing on the idea of Darwin’s achievement of evolution and comparing it to the paradigm shifts society is currently facing in light of the social expectations of women.
• The playful comparison could be taken in two different ways. One is setting up the idea of the human evolution in Darwin’s head for a revolution in the field of biology, and the other is the starting of a revolution in the women’s movement.
• The man legally owns his wife – lack of identity – thus no mention of her in research
• Chimpanzee could be a reference to the conventional expectations one may have about women being tirelessly patient and self-sacrificing in the Victorian era.
• Zoo is often seen as a cage for animals to live in – metaphorically can be seen as a cage to prevent change and evolution
• Despite refer to her husband with Him, like a god, we see a tiny crack in the hold – comparison of a husband and a chimpanzee can be insulting. For a woman that is meant to comfort her man, unthinkable.
• Marks the sparks for change brewing.

Analysis

Ms Darwin is a poem which sparks laughter at first glance with the playful comparison of Darwin and a chimpanzee. But since this is Duffy we are talking about, this poem isn’t going to be that simple. Duffy is comparing the idea of Darwin’s thinking regarding human evolution with society’s paradigm shifts regarding the social expectation of women being tirelessly patient, self-sacrificing and a man’s property.

One of the ideas the poem seem to be drawing on is the lack of identity women of the Victorian era has, as referenced by the date stated. In that era, women’s status was seen to belong in the domestic sphere, with the stereotype chaining them to be required to love, honour and obey their husband in any circumstances. All properties or money that the women have earned is also legally the husband’s. Perhaps in writing and imagining of this recount Mrs Darwin has, Duffy is trying to challenge the lack of recognition the wife of Darwin deserve, not just possibly on the contribution of the idea of human evolution, but the sacrifices and burden women are expected to give to their husband.

Another idea the poem highlights is perhaps the start of a revolution in women’s rights. The comparison between Darwin and the chimpanzee could be an ironic insinuation to how ancient the thinking and expectations of women as men’s properties was. Zoos are often seen as a cage for animals to live in and lose their basic instinct as well as the chances to adapt and evolve. The capitalisation of the word Zoo is an emphasis on the metaphor of society expectations being a cage to prevent change and betterment to women’s rights. But we actually do see a tiny crack in the hold, as despite referring to her husband with Him, like a god, the comparison of a husband and a chimpanzee can be comedically insulting. And perhaps, a woman of that era, to refer her husband as a dirty animal, marks the beginning for change, as occurred later in the era.

Notes for essay and the essay itself

1. One thing you did well in your writing or thinking about the poem

I thought that my use of evidence was good, especially when I finally managed to use the correct terminology like end-stopped or asyndetic listing. 🙂

2. What you need to feed forward to your next essay practice – structure? Nailing your topic sentences? Creating a strong argument? Go back to my feedback.

I need to work more on my structure to make my points more clear. Writing a clear and concise topic sentence would be great too.

3. What’s challenging about writing an essay? What can you do to make it better in your next attempt?

I think that the hardest thing was really finding the right flow for the essay. I get the PEE structure, but at the same time, I don’t want to make it sound too structured that it sounds unnatural. But next time I’ll try to stick to that structure because maybe it sounds awkward to me because I haven’t refine the way I write well enough.

Link to Notes and Recording

1. Timing

I personally think that I spent too little time on the body part of the oral. I think that this is because I had a progression of technique – idea rather than idea – technique. This caused me to be too narrow and thus spend very little time analysing.

2. Structure and progression (into conclusion)

I talked about the poem chronologically, as in line by line, talking about how the language used indicates the growth of the girl

3. Did you discuss context? Relation to the wider global issue or focus of your exploration?

I think I did not introduce the poem’s context well nor did I really discuss the wider global issues.

4. Ideas and technical aspects: did you get a balance between discussing the two?

I think I focused on the technical aspects too much, even though I didn’t really use the right terminology. (Ack!)

5. What will you ‘feedforward’ to your next practice?

Use of terminology

Do concept-technique, not technique-concept as narrows down what you could say

Don’t go line by line

Close analysis and contextualisation

Last week, we had an opportunity to write a graded & guided analysis paper.

Overall, I was kind of happy with what I managed to think up of like the visual links between the images and the purpose of the adverts, however, I do think that I need to improve in some areas.

My large goal for next time is to improve my time management and planning skills. I honestly felt I could have written more than 2 body paragraphs if I did not spend so much time planning, especially about how the copy reflects the underlying values and attitudes since I practically threw some ideas about it in the last paragraph to make sure that I include at least some observations.
One way that I could have done better is perhaps just writing down the main ideas in the plan instead of planning how I would write it down. Though that is normally easier said and done since I am normally very hesitant with my writing.

* This is a late post, thus there will most likely have only a few comments and images of my notes from class. Also, note that it may not be entirely detailed as this is from memory.

After the October break, we had some introductory lessons to Woman’s World by looking at adverts of the book’s set time period. We looked at ads of times ranging from the 1930s to 1960s when adverts reflect the dominant patriarchal values as well as the social expectation of women to be domestic ( in both ways )

I worked with Nurlan for the first time to analyse an advert produced in the 1930s. Nurlan and I focused primarily on two different things, Nurlan on how the image looked, while I looked at the copy of the ad, which included the word choices and the possible double meaning of the words.

Personally, I don’t think the presentation went very well. Nurlan and I planned on answering the questions/guidelines alternatingly, however, before we even finish the second guideline, we were not able to answer the questions Mrs Wallace was giving us. Well, it was more like we weren’t able to give the answer she was expecting.

Although I did feel a little sad that we weren’t able to meet up to her expectations, however, I did find it useful, as I am able to look at not only the expected interpretation of the text was, but also gain insight and understanding of the context that Woman’s World is set in.

After that, for my common assessment, I combined both notes from my group work with Nurlan and the notes I took in class. I have to say that I am pretty happy with how I have done. I think that next time, I could maybe make a more detailed analysis of the characterisation of the couple (after looking back from our first graded assessment)