The average person lies one to two time a day. Lying begins as young as two years old and is defined as an intentionally false statement. So if it happens nearly twice every day and starts at the age of two it’s probably harmless, right? What’s wrong with telling my friend that their ugly haircut looks great? Or that your parent’s cooking is ‘great’? Honestly, nothing. If anything, there should be more encouragement to tell these ‘white lies’ to make others feel better. But what about other lies, when you’re aim is to benefit yourself or it is at the cost of someone else’s loss?

In this particular example, a popular Singaporean artist, Danny Raven Tan, experienced pancreatic cancer during 2010. Being 43 at this time, he made the decision to go through chemotherapy and several other operations without the knowledge of his parents. During this time, his father passed away and he was left to help his elderly mother whilst going through the entire ordeal. To this day, Tan has still not disclosed this information from his mother’s knowledge.

Rather than informing his mother of his illness, Tan assured his mother that he was fine. He explained that he did this to protect his mother from unnecessary concern wand constant worry. He justified this by questioning his mother’s ability to help. What would his mother do with this information other than worry as she had no medical training to aid him and was too elderly to care for anyone other than herself?  This raises the question of people’s intention. Who benefits from this lie? Viewed from the perspective of a realist, Tan’s argument is a rational decision as his point is logically correct, however, if viewed from the perspective of a relativist, the emotional pain after and during this event may outweigh the rational decision. This thinking is obviously applicable in all situations when the less obvious mental and emotional byproducts of the situation are often overlooked. Subsequently, Tan endured depression as a repercussion of psychological effects in having to conceal this life-changing event from his parents.

Furthermore, Tan’s mother begun to suffer from Alzheimer’s disease which only added to the amounting stress on is mind. Although this seemingly negative experience was almost sure of disaster, Tan was able to find positives even throughout it. He stated how he made a new ‘friend’. This friend was his mother during Alzheimer’s. He said that his mother was now much ‘looser’ around him and although sometimes forgot who he was briefly, she engaged in much more activities and was able to view him as a friend, rather than a son. This would have also made him feel much better about himself, as now she is much more vulnerable from the disease, the extra weight of knowing that she had a son with cancer was not present. Thus, reassuring him that he feels he made the right choice.

As I have raised the points above, I ask you to reconsider the situation presented to Danny Raven Tan. After placing yourself into each person’s shoes and considering their perspectives and, as highlighted previously, their emotions. Has this shifted your outlook on the situation, and how? After promoting these points, are any of them transferable to your own daily life? Personally, I believe Tan should have told his parents as it was ignorant of him to neglect the emotional backlash of the situation.

By Joshua Johnson

Bibliography:

Kornet, Allison. “The Truth About Lying.” Psychology Today, Sussex Publishers, 1 May 1997, www.psychologytoday.com/a rticles/199705/the-truth-about-lying.