“MASON!” I hear my name roared. ‘Great, dad’s upset again. He probably wasted our money on his drinks.’
I head to where he is.
“I have an idea,” my dad says. “We’re going to rob the store.” I get dragged along, protesting the entire way.
Entering the store, we walk over to a counter which was unattended. Looking around to make sure no-one was watching, dad reaches over and grabs things. I hold them.
I notice someone coming our way. In a panic, I drop whatever I’m holding.
Dad leaves whatever he was grabbing and turns around to face me. I could see the anger on his face as he picks up everything I dropped. “You better not be so clumsy next time,” he growls. I wince when he says those words.
The hassle must have drawn some attention because we look up to find the store owner coming towards us. “Put those down.”
Dad grabs my hand and pulls me towards the door. I almost crash into a lady and her child. I try to apologize but am interrupted by the owner blocking the door.
“Move!” dad shouts at the owner. Intimidated, he shrinks to the side and we leave.
Back home, dad is filled with glee at everything he grabbed. I know it’s wrong but at least we won’t starve. ‘Maybe I could ration the food so it lasts longer, then we won’t have to steal again.’ Pleased with the plan in my mind, I fall asleep.
(249 words)
Hey Riya.
Your narrative differs from descriptive writing because you added internal thoughts and dialogue. You didn’t just write about the surrounding of the shop and what it looked like. you detailed the events that happened. You also didn’t make your story into a series of events because you didn’t go: first, we walked into the store. Then we walked to the counter. And so on. You were able to connect the events by having dialogue in between or actions that helped move it along. For example, “The hassle must have drawn some attention because we look up to find the store owner coming towards us. “Put those down.” Dad grabs my hand and pulls me towards the door. ” This was able to connect them shoplifting the store and the owner coming out without saying “and then the owner came out to stop us. We decided to run.”
You were able to keep the plot moving without boring the reader. All in all a very good story.
(Even if I had to help you cut down words to meet the word limit.)