A Rainy Day (Journal Writing)

Today felt like the longest day of my life. I figured it would be because I’ve had my Global Politics orals marked in my calendar for months which just so happens to be on my birthday, and with everything that happened with Ryan last week, I didn’t really have the guts to look at him in the face. You would think that most people hurt you unintentionally, but clearly Ryan had no regard for my emotions. Sometimes when you expect something bad to happen, you can kind of list it off so it doesn’t seem so awful and I guess that how I thought it would be today. 


I usually eat lunch in the canteen with my friends but today I’d really rather not see anyone considering all of Ryan’s friends have been watching my every move, finding more reasons to make snide comments, so I thought I’d just buy a bunch of food and hideout in the library and revise for my upcoming Spanish quiz. I had just sat down and taken my notes out when Amanda walked in. I suppose you could say she’s the reason why Ryan and I aren’t talking in the first place. (That’s not the first time I’ve blamed her for something and I’m trying awfully hard to not write an entire essay as to why she’s a menace.) Of course, I was looking up mid-chicken-noodle-slurp when she walked in and she looked right at me. I felt this surge of rage in my body, but she didn’t seem to notice my glaring eyes at all. She walked up to me grinning, and if there was a way to make me feel even angrier about the whole thing, that was it. She clutched her sandwich in hand and stared apologizing for ruining my relationship, while I stared at my notes for another 15 minutes not reading anything at all. 


I suppose it’s immature of me to blame absolutely everything that happened in the past month on her (Perhaps I could thank her from saving me from a sinking ship), but from the second I saw her I knew it would be a bad day. I was trying ridiculously hard to memorise the tenses for the exam and I was hung up on the simplest of vocabulary, one of those moments where you know the word in English but my brain completely shut off. My mother always said to write everything down so the ideas aren’t jumbled in my head but I really only had 10 minutes left of lunch and I had just finished the first side of my notes. 


I didn’t have time to freak out, I was supposed to finish my lunch, memorising and restraining myself from hurling my chair at Amanda’s face, but I was panicking anyways. I ran straight to class without batting an eye-lid at Amanda. Staring at the first question for at least 15 minutes before realising what I was looking at, and then realising that I had no idea what I was supposed to do. We were supposed to translate the sentences and write a short descriptive about our opinion but I couldn’t even tell what topic the question was based on. Miss Huntley eventually said that we had 20 minutes left and I had only managed to finish translating the lines into Spanish. 


I came out of the test after 3 pm and I slumped down to the closest bus stop. It had just rained and the wind was strong enough that some of smaller trees had fallen, with leaves swimming in puddles even though the sun was shining bright and hard. I didn’t know whether I should be holding a grudge against both Amanda and Ryan, but it, in the end, it never matters what I decide. There’s always going to be rainy days, but I suppose what really matters is how often the sun shines. 


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