1)Be careful with meandering sentences!
Fix: These roles seem to have a common thread in that they are, in some way, associated with being “small”. This can be seen not just in the sense that they are “small parts” but also in that they rely on her being physically small as a “little slip of a thing”. Furthermore, she is also presented as “small” in a more metaphorical way as a victim when she plays a character “wrongfully accused of stealing drugs”
Fix 2: The writer’s use of detail contributes to a contrasting characterisation of Annabel. She is presented as seemingly small and timid in the first half of the passage and later on characterised as arrogant. This creates a narrative structure where the focus shifts from one distinct characterisation of Annabel to another
2)Convincing – I find it difficult to see how she can be described as ‘arrogant’
Fix: [Maybe focus on showing how Annabel is defined first by her roles as an actor then as a wife then?]
3) Consider plausibility! This is a reach
Fix 1: [cut everything following ‘could suggest battle’ in order to avoid overanalysing?]
Fix 2:[cut section about Ibsen]
4)Be precise about the technique used
Fix: The imagery created by the simile of boiled food
1)”This highlights the issue of perspective as it is implied not only that Wallace might not be as isolated as he perceives himself to be but that his friends too may also share his concerns of not belonging”
“The issue of perspective can also be seen here as this could be interpreted as Wallace’s perceptions on his surroundings being transformed or it could be seen as Taylor using the third person narrator to contradict Wallace’s own perceptions, thus, in both cases, implying a flaw in Wallace’s perspective regarding his own isolation.
“therefore suggesting that his struggle is as much against his perspective due to his own sense of insecurity as his actual isolation from others”
2) “Furthermore, the fact that it is Friday is emphasised by placing it on a standalone line…”
What to improve on: Find links to the key concepts where possible and include them in writing. Justify all claims made explicitly. Don’t assume it’s obvious
One of the most interesting ideas that have emerged across the course of my time in Warhammer club is the applicability of Mathematics to a wide range of fields. In fact, the topic I wrote my Mathematics IA on was using Markov Chains to try and analyse dice rolls within the game. The interesting issue here though is how, over the course of researching for my IA, I came across many other scenarios in which Markov chains, and game theory in general, can be applied: warfare, dating, politics. There’s probably a global issue there somewhere in how Mathematics connects so many different areas together.
One of the interesting things about COVID-19 has been the way we were arguably forced to collaborate more as a service. We tended to focus mostly on working in small groups with the elderly when we were able to go to the lodge. However, with COVID we tended to work more as a group on school related awareness projects. This meant that it was quite important to try and divide up work within the group to have it completed